I’m continuing to date the Chef each weekend. We both agree that we are not serious nor exclusive. I think we’re in the same place. We’re attracted to each other and we enjoy each others company but neither of us see this as having relationship potential.
So I’m continuing to to meet new guys. As mentioned in previous posts, I went out on a date a few weeks ago with a cop. Prior to the date, I was SO excited about him. We shared many same interests. However, after the first date, I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. I convinced myself to give him a second chance. He’s such a nice guy and we have so much in common.
I went out with him again last weekend. Once again, I was really hoping to feel something. I was nervous leading up to the date. Then halfway through the sushi, I realized I was never going to feel something. While we shared interests, there just wasn’t a spark. The bad thing was I could tell he really liked me and that made me even more nervous. I recognized that I was going to have to tell him at some point that nothing was happening for me.
After dinner we decided to go to a movie. As we are walking from the car to the theater, he grabs my hand and holds it. Ok, at this point my heart is racing but not in a good way. I was not repulsed but feeling even more anxiety over how to tell him. He didn’t just hold my hand, he held onto it for dear life. There was so much desperation in the way he held my hand. Granted, I am the first woman he was interested in since his divorce. I felt absolutely horrible that I wasn’t interested in him. Now it was going to be even harder to tell him I’m not interested.
Prior to this date I had considered not responding to texts as a way to not go out with him again but I had been advised to just be honest with him by another guy friend. I didn’t want to as I knew how hard it would be to tell him to his face that he didn’t trip my trigger. But then I decided to give him another try, thus putting me in a situation where a really nice guy who’s heart was as open as the day is long holding my hand as if he’d never held one before. As this act took place prior to the movie, I was then obligated to continue the act for the next two hours, the course of the entire movie. All the while I’m imagining scenarios in my head of how to let him down easy. When was the perfect time in the night to tell him and what were the right words to say? I decided to wait until he dropped me off at home.
So after the movie I politely imply that I would like to go. We pull up to my house and he says he’ll walk me to the door. While most girls are nervous at this point over whether or not they’re going to get the kiss, I’m nervous about how to avoid the kiss. I opened the door and walked over to the table and put my purse down. He waited at the door and when I returned to him, I thanked him for a lovely evening. I went for the hug and he went for a kiss and got my cheek. I knew it was now or never so I manage to get out that I thought he was a very nice guy but I didn’t feel anything happening. I even had the audacity of suggesting that we remain movie buddies. He thanked me for my honesty and quickly left.
The scenario was very gut wrenchingly awful. I hated that I made a perfectly wonderful person feel sad. I felt like I lead him on. He took me to a very nice dinner that I’m sure put a dent in his wallet. I could tell that he was genuinely interested and I had to tell him the same thing that he had heard so many times before “he’s a nice guy.”
I want to point out here that I am not the type of woman who won’t go for a nice guy. I married “the nice guy” and I dated “the nice guy” immediately after my divorce. I love the nice guy. Neither of the two previous nice guys weren’t for me and those relationship caused a lot of pain. I just recognized that this nice guy is not right for me either. He really isn’t what I’m looking for. Even still, it totally sucked that I had to let him down.